Gray Reviews: Sex Tarts Lube – Watermelon Splash

41b7KZzsArL._AC_UL320_SR226,320_Sex tarts first came onto my radar when i began working at a local adult store. Their price was most appealing – a full $10 less than any other lube inside the counter – and their flavour range was a close second.

Me being asexual, i didn’t really care to try any.

About a month into my employment my boyfriend had finally warmed up to my working there. One night, we decided to go in and check it out, maybe pick some things up to try -however, on a budget this proved difficult for us. Sex tarts and their appealing price tag peeked their little flavoured heads onto my radar once again.

Enter: my co-worker with an overzealous recommendation of the watermelon flavor, and before we knew it, off we went with a bottle of sex tarts in hand.

So let me just say that the first night we used it was full of alcohol – we were celebrating our anniversary by staying in a fancy local hotel, spa, & casino. I am not even sure if we used the sex tarts on that first night! We tried another lube, some clitoral arousing oil, and another sample of a different (& delicious tasting, i recall) flavoured lube. I had also taken a female enhancement pill to see if i could get a boost to my libido, but all that resulted in was an uncomfortable feeling made of regret and chest pain. So you can understand why i’m not entirely sure if the sex tarts ever got opened at all – whoops!

The next time we had sex in the comfort of our home (though to be honest, the comfort of our home failed in comparison to the comfort of that luxurious hotel bed…), the sex tarts definitely did get broken out. Used orally on my boyfriend, they were delicious! Sticky, but delicious. Application was unnecessarily messy, as the lube shot out of the tube at a wholly unexpected rate. I’d expected it to be quite a lot thicker and more gel-like, but it was quite watery. It grew sticky almost immediately after massaging it on, but it still tasted good. The constant urge to get up and wash the mess off my hands somewhat overshadowed my enjoyment of the lube’s taste, especially in conjunction with my unfortunate inability to perform proper oral sex (that’s a story for another blog post). The whole experience was a bit like licking and lightly sucking what felt like a lollipop that’d been left out to get warm and grow sticky. I also found that the taste of the lube wasn’t enough to cover up the taste of pre-cum, which has the distinction of being one of my top-hated tastes, ever.

This review is really making it sound like i hate sex, and i would completely understand if you’re reading along, shaking your head and wondering why on earth i have a sex blog…so i’d like to step in and clarify that i really just do not favor oral sex with penises. If i were to use the sex tarts with a vagina-haver, that might be a different story, but i would be reluctant to do so and here’s why:

The next time we used the sex tarts, we were in the throes of penetrative sex. I was having a dry spell, so my boyfriend broke out the lube – sex tarts was the only lube we actually had, at the time – and literally, i am not exaggerating, as soon as he applied it to my labia i experienced such a horrendous burning sensation that i leapt straight out of bed and into the shower to get that shit off of me. Needless to say, sex did not happen that night.

The next time the sex tarts made an appearance was in the midst of a crisis – i’d just gotten my first bullet vibe stuck all the way up my vaginal canal – and while drunkenly screaming and crying, in desperation my boyfriend grabbed the sex tarts. I stopped my screaming only to instead scream at him to not use the fucking sex tarts.

So yeah, sex tarts.

In Summary:

I really only recommend them as an oral lube, and only for penis-based oral. I’m tentative to recommend it to anyone with a vagina unless they/re

  1. Not sensitive to ingredients
  2. Prefer runny water-based lubes
  3. Not worried about stickiness
  4. Looking for something with a decent flavour to it

 

…..If you think sex tarts are for you, oddly enough, you can purchase them online at reputable pharmaceutical establishments such as CVS, Rite Aid, Walgreens, etc. I couldn’t find any other online store besides amazon and ebay and those are dangerous places to go shopping for adult products, so i’d rather not recommend them!
However, if you’re looking for a more sex-friendly flavoured lube, might i suggest these instead? 

 

Some affiliate links have been used in this post. This post was written on my own accord, using my own thoughts and opinions, and was not sponsored.  I purchased this atrocity with my own money. 

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