January 20th, 2017 marks the inauguration of my Diva Cup.
I’d read plenty of reviews, watched a plethora of youtube videos, read the website extensively – i knew that i needed one in my life.
In general, tampons have always been somewhat of a nightmare for me. For as long as I can remember i’ve been extremely prone to urinary tract infections (UTIs) – as a child it was easier; i got to stay home from school and play video games (Spyro, anyone?) with my dad while i drank plenty of cranberry juice. Needless to say, in my adulthood cranberry juice has become a solid favorite of mine, while UTIs have become much tougher to deal with. If i got one, i’d have to fight my way through the discomfort and pain while at work, cancel plans with my friends, cancel sex with my partners. The worst one i’ve ever had nearly led to a kidney infection – it was terrifying. And all of this before i was diagnosed with endometriosis. So, you can imagine why tampons – and things inserted into my vagina in general – have never quite been a favorite of mine. There is always a bit of fear attached to it that i will get a UTI. Not to mention the gross dangling string that makes going to the bathroom a questionable experience, and the horror of TSS lingering in the back of my mind. So i switched to wearing pads – which are, granted, a bit less scary but still totally capable of giving me a UTI.
Enter the Diva Cup. Made of beautiful, soft, squishy medical grade silicone, i unwrapped it as a christmas gift and went how the fuck am i going to wear this thing inside of me? My period had just passed, so i knew i had about a month to wait before i’d get to use it. And man, what a long month that felt like! I don’t believe i’ve ever waited so eagerly for me period, before. But when it finally came – unexpectedly, and while i was at work – i got a little more nervous than excited. What if i inserted it wrong? What if it was dreadfully uncomfortable? What if it was too large to fit inside of my tiny vaginal opening? What if i pushed it in too far? Sooo many questions. So for the first day of my period, i avoided it, opting instead for my usual pads.
And then, on January 20th, 2017, Donald Trump was inaugurated as the 45th president of the USA, and i had the heaviest flow i’ve had in recent memory. Coincidence? Nah, i’m pretty convinced that my uterus is actually quite sentient, and it was the exact cue i needed to break Diva Cup out of it’s cute little box.
Into the shower i went, Diva Cup in hand – after a thorough reading of the instructions, i found the best way for me to insert it was by pressing the lid down towards the center, as suggested in the pamphlet. It makes the entry point a bit smaller and more tapered, which was a relief for me. To my surprise, i found that inserting it was quite easy! I didn’t have to wiggle it around much at all. The instructions were actually very helpful and descriptive, so i knew exactly what i was doing. I opted to do it in the shower for the first time for a few reasons: first, i wanted to make sure my vagina and labia were clean before i inserted it. Second, i felt like the steam from the hot water would help relax my muscles, and third, it was much easier for me to relax and prop one foot up on the edge of the tub. After the initial insertion, i grabbed hold of the base of the cup and turned it all the way around, as the instructions suggested, to make sure it was properly in place. And bam! My Diva Cup was in. It was literally that easy. And it was so comfortable! I was very pleasantly surprised and elated that it had so far lived up to the reviews i’d been reading. Some quick additional info – i wear a size 1; i’m under 30 and have never given birth of any sort, so size 1 is the recommended size for me.
I stole my boyfriend’s bluetooth speaker and put on my favorite playlist (at the moment), and rewarded myself afterwards with some fancy LUSH shower gel that my friend had gifted me. It was a true celebration; my own little inauguration party.
The Diva Cup stayed in comfortably overnight. When i first lay down, the shifting of positions was a bit awkward and i became more aware of the little stem, but i got used to it rather quickly. When i woke up i was surprised that i couldn’t really feel it at all; i realized when i went to remove it that this was because it shifted further inside of me and the stem wasn’t sticking out. At all. So, that was fun – I did, however, get to employ my pelvic floor muscles, which are apparently fucking awesome because with only a little coaxing from my fingers i was able to pop that thing right out. Exercise for the day = DONE. Thanks, kegel exercises, you rock (now i’m ready for my first set of luna beads… 🙂
Wrongly, i know, i had kind of expected it to be a little bit gross – it was instead, super fascinating (full disclosure, i’m going to describe my period blood now). I knew that endometriosis had affected the viscosity of my flow but daaaaamn, it was thiiiick! And dark. And there wasn’t even very much of it! An entire 7 hours had gone by. And i was totally spotless outside of the Diva Cup, which was amazing and relieving. I took a quick selfie for trumpy (pic coming soon to a twitter near you), cleaned out the Diva Cup, and popped it back in. This time around was a little tougher, but only a tiny bit. Once again – BAM! DONE!
Today is my first day wearing it at work, fittingly. My Diva Cups very first day in office. The package promises empowerment, and boy does it deliver – together, now, we are ready to combat evil, one Diva Cups worth of period blood at a time. And if we can somehow manage to incite the spiritual energy of Ana Mendieta while we’re at it, i think we could make a pretty sizable impact, my Diva Cup and I.
So without further adieu, please join me in welcoming the Diva Cup as the first official President of the United States of my Uterus.
We salute you.