Gray Reviews: Doc Johnson “Naughty Secrets” Slim Vibe 7″

Ok, so maybe i did this a bit backwards, and a little late. This is a review of my first (and currently only) insertable vibrator. I’ve had it for a couple months now, and i just haven’t been able to write about because frankly there’s other, more interesting things to write about.


First Impressions

As a beginner to vibrators, it’s classic, slim shape appealed to me. It’s only available in that infamous baby pink color; however, pastel shades of pink tend to be my favorite no matter the context, so personally i love the color (if you couldn’t already tell from my website). The package proclaims “Velvet touch” – meaning basically that it’s a smooth ABS plastic with a matte finish. The packaging is by no means discreet, but is small enough to use as storage for the time being. I’m planning on getting a bag or something for it but i keep forgetting to pick one up when i go to the craft store. Ah, well. I do kinda like the cute lil cartoon devil chick, but overall the packaging reminds me of those over-priced t-shirts that are like, “grungey” designs that feature bright color washes and fleur de lis’ fucking everywhere that edgier chardonnay moms like to wear (is this a thing in your town? It’s a thing in my town). If you’re reading this and you’re a chardonnay mom, no offense – chardonnay is a quite popular and versatile wine. Good choice.


41d0luj8dklAlso, another gripe of mine is that “Naughty secrets” comes across to me as sex-shamey and i’m not down with that. By all means, keep private what you’d like to keep private, but i’d appreciate it if a sex toy wasn’t marketed as being something “naughty” (i.e. My naughty two year old spilled grape juice all over my edgy fleur de lis shirt today!), while also enforcing the stigmatization of sex toys. Like, you’re literally gonna sell a sex toy that YOU, the manufacturer, are stigmatising the use of, by telling people before they’ve even opened the package up that they’d better not tell anyone about that darned vibrator, because it’s naughty to use such things! Da fuck, doc. Seriously. da fuck. I get it that some people refer to themselves as naughty or incorporate the use of the word into their play and etc but there’s a difference between that and a brand forcing that upon your sex toy. I don’t know, whatever, maybe that’s just me being complain-y.  In any case, Doc johnson may be a well known brand name but they have a pretty “ehhhhh” reputation.

The vibrator seemed like a decent fit for my first one, though, so i went on ahead and purchased it. I picked mine up at the store where i work; should you feel so compelled as to give it a shot, you can find it online from the Doc himself or you can purchase it at Walgreens, of all places. I couldn’t really find any online sex retailers selling it – amazon and ebay dominated the google search results. Please do not buy this from ebay or amazon, because you never know if it’ll be legit or not.

    In Use

The vibrator claims 7”, but is in fact insertable up to just over 6” because the bottom of the toy is the dial that controls the intensity. It’s pretty slim with a circumference of 3.14”, according to the products webpage, and for me – an absolute beginner – the rigidity of the toy makes it feel a bit thicker and i didn’t find insertion to be all that pleasant, if i’m being honest. Until i get used to inserting toys, I prefer to use toys externally, but with this one it proves to be difficult sometimes because the vibes are so dampened that i have to press pretty hard into my clit before i feel anything, and my wrist starts to cramp up and it’s just not even worth it. It felt pretty decent in my hand at the store, but i guess the added padding (lol sorry, padding) of my labia just dampens the shit out of it.

I’ve found that in the shower (because the toy IS waterproof) the vibes are significantly improved, I’m not sure why this is, maybe the pattern and pressure of the water adds some extra stimulation? but even though i haven’t had a problem with it yet, i’m hesitant to submerge it in the bath or anything because frankly it just doesn’t seem like it’s made terribly well.

Don’t get me wrong: it’s not a rickety, cheap P.O.S. or anything. I mean yes it’s cheap, but i don’t feel like there’s a chance of it coming apart or anything like that. I just don’t feel comfortable completely submerging it, but in the shower it’s proven to be just fine.

It takes two AA batteries to operate, and puts out about the power you’d expect from two AA batteries. In order for me to feel anything significant from it i have to ramp it up to the highest setting, so the batteries drain rather quickly. I take them out between uses to help them last a bit longer. Also, It’s sorta loud, and i only use it when i’m alone or if it’s stuffed under the covers – with background noise and muffled under the covers you can’t really hear it much. My boyfriend dug it on a medium-ish setting massaging the underside of his shaft, frenulum, and head. It was more relaxing than stimulating.


Summary and Other Things

Now, i’m beginning to feel like i’m reallly not sensitive. As a total n00b to vibrating clit stim, i’m already using some pretty significantly strong toys. It takes me a while to feel stimulated and i haven’t had an orgasm yet.

If you’re totally new to vibrators, I’d definitely recommend this toy. It’s got a nice, neutral shape, the material is bodysafe, it’s easy to clean, and the vibrations are pretty non-intimidating. They don’t feel super weak and they’re not super strong, either. I wouldn’t say they’re buzzy, but they’re definitely not rumbly either. I know that’s seriously so vague and unhelpful, but the fact is, this vibe is just totally neutral. It’s the perfect middle ground for those inexperienced to vibrations. Heck, even if you are experienced, if low-key vibrations are your thing – then this is a probably an awesome toy.  For me, insertion isn’t pleasant simply because i’m not super into it, and clitorally – since i need a lot to get me going – it’s hard to use this toy because the vibrations in the tip barely translate at all, they’re really focused about an inch or two below the tip – in the shaft. This is an awkward position for me and i have to force it between my labia and press down super hard to feel anything clitorally, which starts to kinda work after a while, but then my wrist starts hurting. If you like the insertion, and/or your clit is super sensitive, i highly doubt that you will have this problem. If your clit needs high intensity, you’re a size queen, etc, then you probably already know that this toy will not work for you. At least, i don’t think it will.

I totally recommend this toy to complete newbies all the time; they come into the store, tell me they’re looking for their own first vibe or for a friend/partner’s first vibe – this one is in my top handful of recommendations. In this context i think it’s neutrality is an asset, because it can be so hard sometimes to recommend vibes for other people, especially when it’s somebody buying for another person. Third-hand recommendations can be tricky to navigate but i feel comfortable recommending something so totally non-assuming because it can help you figure out what you like!

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